The Power of Parenting: Attitude, Love, and Lifelong Learning

Dr. John Shanaka 00:00:00

There's nothing more important, of course, than raising children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:00:04

And if you think about it, who raises children?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:00:08

You've got educational systems, you've got influences from media, you've got family and friends, of course, communities, all contributing to raising children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:00:22

When a child sees a mother and father telling them to be honest or to work hard or to do their best, and they see their mother and father doing the opposite, how is that teaching the child to do that?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:00:40

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every single day about our attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:00:46

We can't change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way, we can't change the inevitable.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:00:54

But the only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:01:01

Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:01:07

And so it is with you.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:01:09

We are in charge of our attitudes.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:01:13

Love is an action word.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:01:15

It's something you do and not something you say.

Mark Taylor 00:01:21

That was Dr.

Mark Taylor 00:01:21

John Shanaka and he was a long serving teacher of over 40 years and he talks to us about supporting parents and family values and how all of us as stakeholders with our children can really put our best selves forward to really demonstrate and be a mentor for everybody around us.

Mark Taylor 00:01:36

Many thanks again to the national association for Primary Education for their continued support and sponsorship of the Education on Fire podcast.

Mark Taylor 00:01:45

Hello, my name is Mark Taylor and welcome to the Education on Fire podcast, the place for creative and inspiring learning from around the world.

Mark Taylor 00:01:58

Listen to teachers, parents and mentors share how they are supporting children to live their best, authentic life and are proving to be a guiding light to us all.

Mark Taylor 00:02:07

Hi John, thank you so much for joining us here on the Education on Fire podcast.

Mark Taylor 00:02:11

One of the things that we talk about a lot here on the show is the fact that with the child at the center of everything, whether you're a parent, whether you're a teacher, whether you're a sports coach, or however you're involved in children, the essence of what you're trying to do is the most important thing.

Mark Taylor 00:02:25

So I think this is going to be fantastic conversation to sort of have that idea of family at the heart of what we're doing and everyone who's sort of literally a stakeholder in our children's lives.

Mark Taylor 00:02:34

Yeah, thanks so much for being here.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:02:36

Well, appreciate you having me so much.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:02:38

I love the title Education on Fire.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:02:41

I think it's, it's, it's apt and it's dynamic.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:02:47

So that's what we're talking about.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:02:48

Really?

Mark Taylor 00:02:49

Yeah, absolutely.

Mark Taylor 00:02:50

Well, thank you for that.

Mark Taylor 00:02:50

Yeah, it's something which so fits the bill in many ways, I think.

Mark Taylor 00:02:54

And it just the essence of just being able to sort of make sure that I think children, when they're being their best selves, when they're kind of excited about life, when they feel inspired, even if it's within the system, which maybe isn't as supportive as we'd like it to be, or maybe even outdated, if we can find a way to have these conversations to help support the children themselves or certainly the people that are helping them to feel that they can give the best advice, then that really is going to be something which helps that ripple effect moving forward.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:03:22

It's a great topic, great topic.

Mark Taylor 00:03:24

So tell us a little bit about how it is that you're creating that ripple effect.

Mark Taylor 00:03:28

What is it that you're putting out into the world that are, that are supporting everybody?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:03:32

Yeah.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:03:33

Well, I had a lot of experience in education, 42 years in public schools here in the US and once we retired, both my wife was an educator and I was an educator.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:03:47

In fact, indeed our whole family is involved in education in some way.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:03:51

It's, I mean, it's amazing.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:03:52

From bus drivers to cafeteria workers, to teachers in the classroom, to support staff.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:00

I mean, it seems like everyone in our family is an educator of some sort.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:05

Along with being parents, of course, which is the most important educator, by the way.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:13

After doing all of that, Jane and I settled into retirement.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:17

And then my mother in Law, who's 96 years old, came to live with us.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:21

She has memory problems, problems, mobility problems.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:24

We ran into Covid and we started to think about the various things, incidents with our children and our grandchildren.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:33

We have two sons and three grandchildren.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:36

And in thinking about all of that, we started to remember some of the stories and also experiences we had.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:45

And we started writing children's books.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:47

So we have 10 of those children's books published.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:04:50

In the course of all of this, in my professional work as a teacher and counselor and administrator, I wrote a couple of programs.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:05:00

One was called Peer Pals, it was a guidance program for widespread classrooms.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:05:06

And another one was called Super Student Program.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:05:09

I had traveled to Japan on a scholarship, Fulbright scholarship and studied their educational system and came back and developed this program, as I said, with super students where and start to look at what makes a successful student.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:05:26

And so in doing that I started developing parenting materials, books.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:05:32

And so right now we have Parenting one Survival Guide for Parents, Parenting one, two and three.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:05:40

And then I'm just ready almost to publish another book called Power Parenting, so that between our children and our grandchildren, all that writing and so on, we've done a lot of thinking about kids education and so on.

Mark Taylor 00:05:58

And it's amazing how I think a lot of people can identify with that kind of what's the information we'd like to impart?

Mark Taylor 00:06:05

What's the sort of thing that we'd like our children to know and to understand?

Mark Taylor 00:06:08

And I, I know we have this conversation with my wife a lot.

Mark Taylor 00:06:10

We sort of say that, you know, over the course of the 18 or so years that they're going to live with you, hopefully it all drip feeds in.

Mark Taylor 00:06:18

Hopefully.

Mark Taylor 00:06:18

There's constant conversations, constant kind of understanding of what life's about for us and what we can help and support them with.

Mark Taylor 00:06:26

Mobility, you only have your own perspective on those things.

Mark Taylor 00:06:28

But I think to be able to put some of those things down and articulate it in a way that you can then go and read about it, to understand it, to share it in a different way, that's a really lovely way of being able to do that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:06:40

It is.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:06:41

And there's nothing more important, of course, than, than raising children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:06:48

And if you think about it, who raises children?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:06:51

You've got educational systems, you've got influences from media, you've got family and friends, of course, communities, all contributing to raising children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:10

And we all have a tremendous part to play.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:14

We look at the parenting part.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:16

I know you have three children and you and your wife, I'm sure, spend a lot of time in this, but, you know, how do we affect our children in a positive way, especially in this sense?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:26

And we're talking about education.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:27

How do we make them be a successful student?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:30

How do we help them, encourage them to excel, to enjoy what they're doing and be a lifelong learner?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:41

So parents struggle with this.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:43

And that's.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:45

That's the topic, which is.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:47

It's a big one.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:07:47

There's no simple kind of thing to say about it, but that's the topic I'm passionate about, very interested in how to affect that.

Mark Taylor 00:07:56

And I think for us, we sort of tried to tread this very fine line between being supportive of a school and the learning, but also questioning as well.

Mark Taylor 00:08:08

I mean, one of the reasons that this podcast even started was because I was doing music work workshops in schools, and I was seeing teachers banging their heads against a brick wall in the staff room, going, I got into it to do all the sorts of things that you're talking about, and I'm spending most of my time, you know, tick boxing or paperwork and all of that.

Mark Taylor 00:08:25

Kind of thing.

Mark Taylor 00:08:26

And also my kids were younger and going through school and I was hearing a lot of rhetoric within school about how it's about, well, being and child first and all of these kind of things.

Mark Taylor 00:08:36

But then at the same time, one instance was that my daughter said, oh, we didn't do PE and physical education today because we didn't get a high enough sort of test, test result, which is.

Mark Taylor 00:08:45

And they had some exams coming up.

Mark Taylor 00:08:47

And I was like, well, the two things just don't matter.

Mark Taylor 00:08:49

You know, you can't have the rhetoric and the reality.

Mark Taylor 00:08:52

And so, yeah, that sort of fine line that we often sort of draw between, yes, you know, study hard, do in, sort of investigate what you're doing.

Mark Taylor 00:09:01

Of course, you're within an education system that you have to kind of work within to some extent.

Mark Taylor 00:09:06

But also, you know, how does it work for you?

Mark Taylor 00:09:08

You know, what do you need?

Mark Taylor 00:09:09

What's important for your mental health, for your well being, for your learning, you know, is working, you know, 18 hours a day because you've got so many things you've got to do, actually a positive thing.

Mark Taylor 00:09:19

You know, how does rest fit into this?

Mark Taylor 00:09:21

How to outside activities, how does music, how does the arts, how does sport fit in with all those things as well?

Mark Taylor 00:09:27

And sort of having that sort of rounded idea, you know, an idea of society and how you're fitting in with that and your friends and your family.

Mark Taylor 00:09:33

And then all of a sudden that bigger picture starts to sort of create these other conversations which I think are really important.

Mark Taylor 00:09:39

Then as they start to find their identity and what's important with them, and just because everyone's telling you to do X, Y and Z, how does that fit in with what you think?

Mark Taylor 00:09:48

And like you said, if you're going to be a lifelong learner, how do you want to learn?

Mark Taylor 00:09:51

Sort of from a practical sense and also what it is that you want to learn and the influences around that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:09:57

Right.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:09:58

Parents have an influence on the institution themselves.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:10:03

You know, they do any school that is worth their value.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:10:12

They're interested in what parents have to think, what they say about the curriculum, about the staff, about the facility, whatever, whatever is going on at that institution where your child is.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:10:26

And you should exercise that power.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:10:30

You should exercise that in a positive way.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:10:33

In other words, you should voice your concerns.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:10:36

Well, that's very, very important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:10:39

Your effect on the institution, though, is not as great as your effect on your child.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:10:46

Okay, so, and when I say the institution, I mean in general and then also specifically teachers or parents have influence on teachers.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:10:57

The specific teachers that their child touched during the day, and they need to communicate with them, okay, Individually.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:04

But the most power that a parent has is on their child.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:10

They are the child's first teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:13

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:15

Best teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:17

And that's where all our energy from these books that we're writing and so on are coming.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:22

When I wrote the super student program that was directed to the teacher and institutions, what they should do for children in the classroom to make their kids successful.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:35

And we need to have a little definition here.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:37

And we talk about a successful student, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:40

I'm not talking about a kid who makes all A's that excels in every subject.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:45

That's not the definition of my definition of a super student.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:49

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:11:51

If you have that child, regardless of their abilities and their levels and their interest and their talents, giving their best, doing their best, preparing their best, having a positive attitude and acting within the norms of a property behavior in a classroom, in an institution of learning.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:15

And when you are learning, you're in a classroom, you're with other people.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:19

Now you're talking about a kid who is a successful student or a super student.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:23

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:24

I believe that if those things are optimized, teachers that are loving, caring, have skills and knowledge and impart in that parents that are supportive and so on, the kid will learn.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:35

Learning is a natural thing.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:36

It's it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:38

It happens naturally.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:40

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:41

You have to have the right conditions.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:42

It's like a plant.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:43

If you have the right conditions, the plant grows.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:46

If you don't have the right conditions, the plant will not grow.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:50

It'll wither and die.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:51

So we're talking about a lot of factors.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:12:54

There's a certain amount of influence parents have on institutions and teachers, but the biggest influence they have is on their own children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:03

And that's where our books are directed.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:06

You know, what can parents do to improve.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:10

Improve things for their kids and their family?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:13

Because people love their children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:14

Okay, that's.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:16

That's basic.

Mark Taylor 00:13:17

And, and take us into to.

Mark Taylor 00:13:19

What is it that you sort of share within the books and, and, and sort of why specifically you sort of took that particular stance and in that particular situation.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:28

Right.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:31

Again, having gone through parenting, both Jane and I, raising two sons and then having grandchildren, watching our sons and their, their wives and so on, you know, raise their grandchildren, so on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:47

It is amazing how many parents don't realize, number one, how much influence and power they have with their children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:13:58

Probably most of your audience are interested in parenting.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:02

They're there.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:02

They have concerns about their parenting.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:04

They want to improve their parenting.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:06

They want their children to be Good students and be successful in school.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:10

That's good.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:11

I'm going to be speaking to that group.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:13

But I'm not naive enough to think that all families are like this.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:19

There's some families who, they're so involved because of all kinds of things.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:25

The dynamics of this world and what's happening and their own situations and so on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:31

They're kind of lost in things happening very quickly, and their kids kind of get shoved to the side.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:39

They, they, they.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:41

It's an afterthought almost.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:42

It's, it's kind of like part of what's going on, but they're not really absorbed in it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:47

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:48

And, and I'd love to talk to those parents, you know, to wake them up and realize what is important in life.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:14:54

Because obviously you can have all the money mark in the world, you can have the greatest position and everything else, but the legacy you're going to leave is with your children, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:15:05

It's with your children and your grandchildren.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:15:08

That's what you're going to leave.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:15:09

If that's important to you, that's, that's the most important thing that you have on earth, okay, Besides your wife and, and your beliefs as far as worship is concerned or whatever.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:15:24

But it's, it's those kids that are going to be staring in the face as adults when they're 20, 30 years old and they have children and they're, you know, that is the most important thing.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:15:37

So if you kind of get off that center and realize that those children that are in front of you are the most important and you have tremendous influence with them and you're missing, you're missing the most important time of your life and their life by giving that up, okay, for money, for fame, for promotion, for whatever.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:00

So that's first, number one.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:02

I, in this first part one, there's three parts to the books that we've done.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:08

It's believing yourself as an effective parent.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:11

That's, that's number one.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:12

You have to believe in yourself that you can be effective.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:17

So if you don't believe that, if you don't think that you're important or that they won't listen to you, it's not, it's not going to happen.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:26

Also believe that you have a purpose and a plan for your life and it's, it's involved in your children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:33

It heavily involved in your children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:36

You also need to believe in your child's potential, that your children have tremendous potential.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:44

They're human beings.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:45

They're going to grow and develop, and you have to believe they have potential to be everything that they can be, whatever that might be.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:53

Not everyone needs to be an engineer or a doctor or a lawyer.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:58

That's not what's important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:16:59

But they need to be self sufficient, confident, respectful, a self learner.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:10

They need to be kind and respectful and loving.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:14

Those are things important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:15

I often say that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:17

It's interesting.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:18

You have three times to grow up as a parent.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:24

Once when you're a child, secondly when you're a parent.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:29

And I'll bet you felt that, Mark, when you were raising your children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:33

You're raising your children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:34

Don't you feel, didn't you feel yourself getting caught up in things like I'm telling my child not to lie and cheat and I'm lying and cheating and they know it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:17:44

You see what I'm trying to say?

Mark Taylor 00:17:46

Yeah, absolutely.

Mark Taylor 00:17:47

There's definitely that sense, isn't there, of kind of.

Mark Taylor 00:17:49

I'm saying be healthy or be, be like this because it's in your best interests and your thinking, am I actually doing that?

Mark Taylor 00:17:57

Am I saying it or am I doing a version of it?

Mark Taylor 00:17:59

And like say there's then the implications of what you say against actually what you're demonstrating and what they're actually seeing in your environment.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:07

It's major.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:08

When a child sees the mother and father telling them to be honest or to work hard or to do their best or.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:17

And they see their mother and father doing the opposite, how is that teaching the child to do that?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:26

So that's the second time you have to grow up.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:29

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:29

That you can.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:30

You, you grow up first as a child and then as a parent.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:33

And then if you're lucky enough, you grow up again as, as, as a grandparent.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:38

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:40

So this refining process of not only working with your children and your grandchildren is refining you as a human being.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:48

You're getting it, you're getting a double benefit there, okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:51

Triple benefit if you get to be a grandparent.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:18:54

So, you know, look at it as a refining process and, and that you have a purpose and plan in your life to do these things and that your child has great potential also being loving, respectful, hardworking, obedient, trusting and kind and so on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:19:15

The skills as far as math and reading and all the different academics, music, art, all those interests, they will grow naturally if the child has this kind of base and understand that these are the things you're interested in.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:19:31

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:19:34

Also, I have down that believing that success, a successful student is more than just that academic achievement, but it leads to success in all aspects of your life.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:19:49

Attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:19:50

I think we're talking about your approach to life.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:19:53

It's positive and so on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:19:55

That's the kind of student we want, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:19:59

That's the kind of things parents can and should be working on as they prepare.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:07

Be.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:08

Be passionate about your own learning.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:10

So, like, programs like you have here on your podcast and other things that you do.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:15

Mark, parents are listening to these things for a reason.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:20

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:21

They're.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:21

They hear, you know, education on fire, you know, so they already.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:26

Those parents that are tuning in are interested in improving their own lives, whether they're reading books or looking at programs or podcasts like you have.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:36

That's good.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:37

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:38

That's.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:38

That's good.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:38

So they.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:39

They want to learn these things.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:41

So those are some of the beliefs we start with in the book.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:44

Just talking about in more detail in the book.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:47

But then there are skills.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:49

Actually, there's.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:20:50

There's eight skills that they should be teaching their children at home and in a school setting as the school year goes on that are really important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:03

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:03

So those eight skills I also have listed that are.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:08

Some of them sound like common.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:09

It's common sense.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:11

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:11

And those are the skills that they should be developing and working on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:16

I.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:17

I've cited eight of them, and.

Mark Taylor 00:21:21

You sort of say that they're sort of common sense in that kind of thing.

Mark Taylor 00:21:23

But do you think there.

Mark Taylor 00:21:24

There is something important about having them listed, about seeing them, about understanding them?

Mark Taylor 00:21:32

Because like I say, they might be part of what you think is common sense and what you do, but until they're articulated really clearly, maybe you don't have that focus in the same way that you might have as these sort of.

Mark Taylor 00:21:44

I say you sort of go through them one by one.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:46

You're exactly right.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:47

In fact, in the program that I had for teachers that was called Super Student, I had these eight skills, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:54

Actually, I have them right here.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:56

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:21:56

I had them on the desks of every child.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:01

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:02

So, for example, let's take the first skill.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:04

I will listen, obey, and trust my teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:07

It sounds like common sense, doesn't it?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:09

I will listen, obey, and trust my teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:15

Very, very important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:16

Extremely important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:17

Sounds like common sense.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:19

Something that parents should reinforce at home.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:22

Teachers assume that this should be done, but many of the kids that come to their class, they don't do that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:30

They never heard about it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:32

They don't want to do it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:33

And so there's conflict.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:35

If they have 20 or 30 students in front of them and they have five or six or 10 that aren't doing this is disruptive in the classroom.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:43

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:44

From the parents point of view.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:46

All they can do is control or let's say, have influence directly on their own child.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:51

This is something you need to teach your child.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:53

And it's so important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:55

I will listen, obey and trust my teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:22:57

They need to support in the home setting that important sentence to the child in front of the teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:10

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:11

When they go to conference, when they're meeting with their teachers, they need to do this.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:16

And I've seen this so many times, neglected or not, you know, they'll take the child's side instead of telling the child, you will listen, obey and trust your teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:27

We, look, we, you know, we expect your teacher to teach you.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:30

We know she will or he will.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:32

And we want you to do this.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:34

This is what we want because we love you.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:38

We so pressing.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:40

That first one is so, so important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:42

If you have a disagreement with the teacher, there might be some parents out there thinking now, well, hey, that, that teacher, you know, is a pain in the neck.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:50

You know, she's.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:23:52

If you start talking trash in front of your child about the child's teacher, that kid has just got a foothold on more disruption in the classroom.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:06

They're not going to be listening.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:09

They feel my mother and father think badly about the teacher and I don't want to be here.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:14

I don't like the teacher, so why should I listen to her?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:17

Just the worst thing you can do if you're not getting any, you should meet privately with the teacher to deal with that aspect.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:26

And if you're not getting anywhere with that teacher privately and your child not knowing you're having, you need to change the teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:37

You need to switch teachers and meet with the administration and see if they can give you another teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:42

If you're not happy with the school, leave the school.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:46

So do you see what I'm trying to say about power for the te.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:49

The parent.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:50

Parent has this power that is their child.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:53

They are the best teacher for the child.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:24:56

They're the first teacher for the child from the minute the child is born.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:25:01

And they need to kind of follow up on that, that power and that, that good, meaning that they have belief in their kids and be a spokesperson and advocate for that kid.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:25:15

So that's number one.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:25:17

For example, there are others that I have listed and just wanted you to maybe have a comment about that or some kind of thoughts about that.

Mark Taylor 00:25:25

I think the advocacy is really important because it's so easy for people to say, oh, that's all very well and good, but the reality is that they're just at school.

Mark Taylor 00:25:34

They just have this teacher, this is just the way the world works.

Mark Taylor 00:25:38

And I think, like you say to our, be able to articulate and actually have a, you know, in.

Mark Taylor 00:25:43

In the best possible way.

Mark Taylor 00:25:45

Let's have a private conversation if it needs to be private.

Mark Taylor 00:25:48

If you're not prepared to listen to me, I'm going to speak to somebody else within the school or let's say whatever the scenario is, because then you're empowered.

Mark Taylor 00:25:56

And I think that empowerment then goes through to your child as well.

Mark Taylor 00:25:59

And then it's that kind of, you know, that's going to be so important through the rest of your life because you want to make those decisions based on what's best for you.

Mark Taylor 00:26:07

You want to stick up for yourself.

Mark Taylor 00:26:08

You want to give yourself the best chance of learning.

Mark Taylor 00:26:11

You know, what is it that you're actually waiting for if you're not going to be doing that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:15

Exactly.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:16

Now, Mark, you told me you had three children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:18

You certainly.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:19

Your kids must have had a teacher that didn't like.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:23

Am I right or wrong?

Mark Taylor 00:26:25

They certainly had favorites and less favorites.

Mark Taylor 00:26:27

Yeah, absolutely.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:28

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:28

So when you run into a teacher that you don't like and it's going to happen, I don't care if it's in elementary school, if it's in middle school, high school, college, whatever it might be, you're going to meet somebody who's in front of you, who's in charge of a class and your instruction.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:45

You don't like them or you don't like what they do.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:48

So, I mean, how do you handle that?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:50

You know, if you're in college, you're going to handle it differently than if you're in elementary school.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:55

Your parent is an advocate.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:26:57

So there are ways to go about this.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:00

And the parent needs to let the child know that I will listen, obey, and trust my teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:06

And then they need to know how to go about doing that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:10

If the, if the teacher is actually the problem.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:13

Here's another one.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:14

I will raise my hand to speak.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:16

Teaching your child that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:18

Why do you think that would be important?

Mark Taylor 00:27:22

I guess that's a sense of kind of being respectful for whatever's going on at the time.

Mark Taylor 00:27:27

But also, then you've got your.

Mark Taylor 00:27:29

You've also got the full attention of the person when they're coming to you to then ask you what it is that you want to.

Mark Taylor 00:27:34

You want to clarify, I guess.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:35

Exactly.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:36

Sounds so common.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:38

Like, hey, you're in a group, you know, of course you're going to raise your hand.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:41

Not all kids know that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:42

Not all kids know that their parents believe this is important, and there's something there.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:48

Children do care about what their parents think is important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:53

Okay, well, he won't listen to me.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:56

He never listened to me and everything.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:27:57

You know, you'll hear this comment from a parent.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:00

You know that's not true.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:03

It's not.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:03

It's a lie.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:05

If you genuinely love your child and you've showed that love is an action word, you have to do love, not.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:13

Not talk love.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:16

If you do love your child, you show you love your child, that child's affected by that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:22

If you say to the child, you know, Janie, I want you to raise your hand.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:26

When you're in a group, you need to speak.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:29

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:29

You raise your hand because there are other children around, and she can't have everyone yelling out.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:35

Just need to do that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:36

It sounds like it's an elementary thing, but this happens in 4th, 5th, 6, all the way up.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:41

You know, it'll happen.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:44

So very important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:45

I will think along with the speaker.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:49

That's number three.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:51

A skill that you can teach and talk and demonstrate and actually work with your kid on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:57

I will think along with this big.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:28:58

That's what you and I are doing right now.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:01

I'm listening to you.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:03

You're listening to me.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:05

I'm asking a question.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:06

You're asking me questions.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:08

We're thinking together in a group.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:10

You need to do the same thing.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:12

When Bobby over here is answering the teacher's question.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:15

Needs to listen to Bobby.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:17

Why?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:17

Because what he's saying you might learn something from.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:20

So these are.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:22

That's three out of eight points or skills I'm talking about.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:29

You get the idea, Mark?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:30

How.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:31

How this goes?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:31

It's very specific.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:33

Now, it'd be nice if the teacher in the classroom also in elementary especially, and we're talking elementary, kindergarten, first and second and third, you know, specifically, even preschool would be great.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:47

They start to reinforce these things, too.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:50

Then you got the parent and you got the teacher saying the same thing, and you're going to have progress then.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:57

Okay.

Mark Taylor 00:29:58

Yeah.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:29:59

I think it gives you an idea.

Mark Taylor 00:30:00

Yeah, yeah.

Mark Taylor 00:30:01

And I think that's the key element there, and I've heard that before from people, is the fact that you can talk about.

Mark Taylor 00:30:07

You're doing your bit as a parent, as a teacher, as someone who's involved in these learning things individually.

Mark Taylor 00:30:14

But the real power comes when you're doing it collectively for the right reasons, because you're all singing off the same hymn sheet effectively and.

Mark Taylor 00:30:23

And like, say, at that point, everything's being involved in a positive way.

Mark Taylor 00:30:27

And then you get that growth.

Mark Taylor 00:30:30

And I think you get that solid foundation and that understanding, because I think out of that you get a richness of life and you get a.

Mark Taylor 00:30:37

You get a society that you probably want to be involved in.

Mark Taylor 00:30:40

And so that ripple effect just becomes a positive one.

Mark Taylor 00:30:44

But also, you're not just being subservient to what's happening, you're actually doing it with intention.

Mark Taylor 00:30:48

Because like you say, you're also listening to everybody else.

Mark Taylor 00:30:50

And you might learn something.

Mark Taylor 00:30:52

Of course, you might also hear something where you're thinking, I'm not quite sure that I agree with that or I'm not quite sure how that goes.

Mark Taylor 00:30:58

But as long as you're having an honest conversation and you could do this back and forth, as we said, then that can only be positive, even if maybe your views are slightly different or there's a conversation to be had there.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:09

Exactly.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:10

Exactly.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:11

So every one of these points that I'm making, right, there's not a single teacher in the world who would disagree that these are bad ideas, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:21

Every teacher wants you to be listen.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:23

They want to be trusted, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:27

They, they appreciate if you raise your hand.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:31

They want you to think along with the speaker.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:34

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:34

Number four is I'll be prepared for my work.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:39

That's something parents would teach their children.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:42

Now, there's not a single teacher in the world who would say, that's all right.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:46

If you're not prepared for your work, don't worry about it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:50

That's like, that's stupid.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:51

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:52

So you need to be prepared for your work.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:56

The next one is, I'll do my best.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:31:58

I will give my best.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:00

Now again, remember, the child is looking at you.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:03

Also, when you're starting to talk about these things, if you talk about anything in your family, they're going to be watching you.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:10

Are you do do these things?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:12

Are you giving your best?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:13

Are you prepared?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:16

Do you care and listen to when mommy talks or when daddy talks or do you know.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:22

So they're looking at the family dynamics, not only the school dynamics, but they're looking at.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:29

That's why I was saying is that it's a.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:31

It's a double slap in your face as a parent.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:34

If you're talking.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:35

You're a hypocrite if you're talking about one thing to your kid and you're doing something else, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:43

You have to avoid that at all costs.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:46

That's just, you know, if you're a good thief and you're teaching your kid to be thief, that would be more of an honest scenario, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:53

To that to talk about a ridiculous comparison.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:32:57

But so they're going to absorb suck up.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:01

They're going to do what you do.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:04

That's an important thing to kind of remember.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:08

Is that a challenge?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:09

Yes.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:09

Does it sometimes be frightening?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:11

Oh, yes, it's frightening.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:13

It's scary because you got a mirror in front of you all the time.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:17

You're, you know, like, you know, I haven't been honest.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:20

And, you know, the kid may even bring it up to you later on as they get older.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:24

They'll say, you know, you tell me not to do this or do that, and look at you, you do the same thing.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:29

So those are a couple of things.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:33

Number six is I will finish my work.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:36

See, I'll be prepared for it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:38

I'll give my best and I'll finish my work.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:41

Teachers love it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:43

When you finish your work, give your best, try your hardest.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:46

These are the kinds of things that will promote learning.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:50

They make you a better learner.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:52

You'll be.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:53

You'll learn more.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:33:55

So these are the things parents should focus on and teachers certainly would appreciate.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:34:02

Appreciate these things.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:34:04

Number seven is I'll work out problems with others.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:34:09

How much do we need that in the world today?

Mark Taylor 00:34:13

Absolutely.

Mark Taylor 00:34:13

And I think also it's.

Mark Taylor 00:34:16

It's that sense of.

Mark Taylor 00:34:17

I think a combination of a lot of the things that you've mentioned so far are really important in that because it has to be a dialogue.

Mark Taylor 00:34:25

It has to be the fact that, like I say, some of the issues that we're facing need collective authority, collective understanding, thinking outside of the box, which is, you know, from having those sort of sent those conversations which take you somewhere where you didn't necessarily think you were going to go.

Mark Taylor 00:34:42

But as you said, if you're prepared and you do the work and all of those other things that come into play, you're much more likely to find yourself or society or your particular world that you're living in, to be supportive and helpful and be a guiding light in whatever way that.

Mark Taylor 00:34:59

That that may affect you.

Mark Taylor 00:35:01

And so again, you get that sort of positive ripple effect.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:05

You do, you do.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:06

You get a collective effect.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:07

You get a community effect.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:09

And most of all, which brings us to number eight.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:13

I have a positive, healthy attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:16

That's probably one of the most important things.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:20

I love what Charles Swindoll talks about, about being a success in life.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:25

I don't know if you're familiar with Charles Swindoll.

Mark Taylor 00:35:28

No, I'm not.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:29

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:30

He's a Christian writer and he writes.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:34

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:38

Life to me is more than important than facts.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:40

It's more important past than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say I do.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:51

It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:55

It'll make or break a company, a church, a home.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:35:59

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every single day about our attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:05

We can't change our past.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:07

We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:11

We can't change the inevitable.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:13

But the only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:19

I'm convinced that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:25

And so it is with you.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:27

We are in charge of our attitudes.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:31

You own that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:32

You're in charge of your attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:34

Your children need to know what the parents, our parents need to know it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:38

We need to know it that right now I'm in charge of my attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:42

Whatever's happening in my life.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:43

You see these people, we were talking about Western Carolinas and so on, the difficulties that they are going on and the various, Their attitude about that disaster, they're trying to pull together.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:57

They're.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:57

They're using their faith, they're.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:36:59

They're using community.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:37:00

They're so how they go through that and the way they think about their attitude affects not only their present, but their future.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:37:11

So it is with you, with me, with anyone, as we're going through things, that attitude we have, as we're going through it is vital.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:37:20

It's really important.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:37:23

And so it is with working with children and working with, as a parent and trying to have your kid be the best student they can be.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:37:31

Attitude important.

Mark Taylor 00:37:33

Yeah.

Mark Taylor 00:37:33

And I think you sort of mentioned there about the different sort of parts of life and how you're growing.

Mark Taylor 00:37:38

And I think in, in just what you said there as well, that essence of it being a journey, because that reinforcement of your attitude or the decisions you make or how you're showing up is a moment by moment decision, isn't it?

Mark Taylor 00:37:51

Because it's you.

Mark Taylor 00:37:52

It's not like I've read this book and now I get it, or this is how I am and that's it forever more.

Mark Taylor 00:37:57

I'm, you know, I'm 20 years old now and I've, I've.

Mark Taylor 00:38:01

I've been through.

Mark Taylor 00:38:01

I've had a great, A great childhood.

Mark Taylor 00:38:04

My parents have been so supportive and here I go.

Mark Taylor 00:38:06

And then you never think about any of that stuff again.

Mark Taylor 00:38:08

It's going to be a regular thing in those foundations hopefully put you in that way.

Mark Taylor 00:38:12

But I think that reinforcing the journey of I'm going to do it again, I'm going to do it again, if there's a challenge, it might even test some of those things that you've been believing.

Mark Taylor 00:38:21

But I think it also gives you that structure in that support network to enable you to take that next step, whatever.

Mark Taylor 00:38:27

That's going to be excellent, Mark.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:38:29

It's.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:38:30

It's so important as, as you well know, when you're raising children and even helping as a grandparent, they're going to run into pro.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:38:41

You're going to run into problems.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:38:42

That's life, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:38:43

They're going to run into bad teachers and bad situations, sickness, illness, various things that happen, bullies, kids that are bothering them, whatever it might be, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:38:55

And for you to kind of get above that and think, I've got to be strong here.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:04

I need to project the right attitude to my child.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:07

I need to let them know that life is a series of bumps and back and forth and tides and so on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:14

And I have to project that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:16

I have to let them know that they can get through this, that we will get through this.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:20

We'll get through this together, okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:22

It's difficult right now, but we will not quit.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:25

We.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:26

I love you, I care for you.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:28

And we will not.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:30

We will not falter from our plan.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:32

We will continue.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:34

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:35

Because as a parent, you can get depressed, you can.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:38

You can feel down, you know, various things in your own life, and then all of a sudden your child's got a problem with school and with another kid in school, with a group of kids in school, whatever the teacher, the subject.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:55

So you have to maintain this positive attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:39:58

There's going to be times you fall back and say, but you got to regain that and things will work out.

Mark Taylor 00:40:07

Yeah, And I guess that's why it's always a forward path, isn't it?

Mark Taylor 00:40:09

Because like I said, if you hang your hat on the fact that you need to be a straight A student student, or you need to do X, Y and Z in order to be successful or life needs to look a certain way, we know that that's not the case.

Mark Taylor 00:40:22

And so the things that we're talking about here is that no matter what your external factors are, you can incorporate the things and the, like we said, the scaffolding that you've got to kind of make it whatever you need today.

Mark Taylor 00:40:34

And I think one of the things I've learned as a parent is the Fact that that very much comes back to you through what you need to do for your children as well, because you need to be in exactly, you know, the best version of all of those things we've spoken about in order to there share that, be the guiding light for that, be in a position to support everybody.

Mark Taylor 00:40:55

Because if you take that away from yourself, no matter what you're saying to anybody else, that there's, there's a definite disconnect there, which was like you say, you know, that it's not just showing, it's actually being.

Mark Taylor 00:41:05

And, and how that then comes across and, and that can be very challenging as well.

Mark Taylor 00:41:09

But I think it all starts with you.

Mark Taylor 00:41:11

You know, we're having this conversation about what you've done, what we've done, what we've experienced, and we're talking about it in that context of how that will affect other people.

Mark Taylor 00:41:18

But it starts with you, whoever you are and what you're trying to do.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:23

It's true.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:24

You're going to make mistakes.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:25

Okay, that, that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:27

I mean, as a parent, you're going to make mistakes.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:29

As a teacher, you said you taught music, you were in classes and so on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:33

You know, yourself, where you went into a lesson, or you, whatever you were doing, you know, it was wrong, you shouldn't have, shouldn't have taught it that way or you shouldn't have.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:42

You know, you're going to make mistakes.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:44

But it's rebounding.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:45

That's, this is, it's that attitude we're talking about, that positive attitude.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:50

So it's vital, very important.

Mark Taylor 00:41:52

Yeah, it really is.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:41:53

So that's kind of an overview of what we're looking at now in the, in the part two and part three of this series.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:42:01

You know, I talk about strategies that, that parents can use specifically, you know, things that they need to be more aware of.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:42:10

But that, that's the start of what we have on our minds right now.

Mark Taylor 00:42:16

Yeah, no, I think it's really important for people to hear that and also to know that they're there.

Mark Taylor 00:42:22

I say there are answers out there, but it's really more that there are questions and answers and there are conversations and there's understanding and there's development and, and experiences.

Mark Taylor 00:42:31

And I think that's the great thing about having things written down and having access to these things, because it'll come to you at the right time.

Mark Taylor 00:42:38

You know, you're listening to this podcast and you're looking for something that's going to give you what you need or whatever that happens to be.

Mark Taylor 00:42:44

And then here we are John suddenly turns up and he's got the books and he's got these.

Mark Taylor 00:42:49

These things that he can sort of share with you.

Mark Taylor 00:42:50

And I sort of love the way that that sort of correlation works.

Mark Taylor 00:42:54

And you mentioned, you know, working in the education system for so long and understanding the education system sort of within it and outside of it from a parental point of view and how those things go together.

Mark Taylor 00:43:07

Is there a particular experience that you had which you'd like to share, or a teacher that you remember, or I guess it might even be a colleague based on.

Mark Taylor 00:43:14

On all the years of experience that you've got that kind of support, that sort of thing.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:19

I was fortunate that I had so many wonderful teachers.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:22

Not all of them were good.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:24

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:24

But very.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:25

But they all seem to have.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:27

Have the same qualities, you know, that they were loving and kind, respectful.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:31

If you made a mistake, they were encouraging.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:34

I mean, that's the kind of person that you want to be around when you're something difficult, whatever.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:40

And Mrs.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:41

Dott Dietrich, I think about her as my cooperating teacher when I was starting to teach and, you know, I'm starting to teach, and then you're nervous and you're making mistakes, and she would take you aside at.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:53

Take me aside at the end of the lesson, and she would point out, you know, the various things that I needed to do.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:43:59

And she did it in such a loving and kind and respectful way that she sticks out in my mind as just someone wonderful to.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:09

To exemplify and so on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:10

And oddly enough, I took her job, she retired, and I took her classroom.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:15

And so once in a while she would come back to visit and so on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:18

And she was a lovely, lovely lady.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:21

And we became such good friends, Jane and I, to her family.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:25

So, yeah, that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:26

That's the kind of thing.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:28

I was fortunate enough to have good parents who were, again, my first teachers, and they were wonderful.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:34

So those kinds of people you remember, I'm sure you remember, Mark, people that were teachers in your life.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:41

People.

Mark Taylor 00:44:42

Yeah, absolutely.

Mark Taylor 00:44:43

And it's so much about how they make you feel.

Mark Taylor 00:44:47

It's so much about the.

Mark Taylor 00:44:48

The human connection and not the wisdom that they're necessarily passing on or the fact that they were the great history teacher or geography teacher or elementary teacher, whatever.

Mark Taylor 00:44:57

It happens.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:44:58

Exactly.

Mark Taylor 00:44:58

It's the fact that they knew who you were.

Mark Taylor 00:45:00

They were trying to get the best out of you, to share that, to sort of be able to give you that sort of fertile foundation to make that work.

Mark Taylor 00:45:08

And I think, like, say it's so easy to get into the nuts and bolts of the learning and schooling and all that.

Mark Taylor 00:45:14

But I think if you can keep the heart of what you're trying to do there and that understanding again on that hourly, daily, monthly, yearly basis or however often you get to sort of be part of that, you're never going to go too far wrong for what's actually truly important and have that right conversation or that right.

Mark Taylor 00:45:30

Look to the child at the right time because they need it or whatever that situation may well be.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:45:35

Exactly right, Mark.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:45:36

Exactly.

Mark Taylor 00:45:37

Is there a piece of advice you'd like to share?

Mark Taylor 00:45:40

And this might even be a piece of advice you might give your younger self now, looking back, or certainly something which we, I mean we've covered so much great advice already today, but anything brings to mind.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:45:54

I think enjoy parenting.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:45:59

I worked at it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:01

Jane.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:01

I think actually enjoyed raising the children better more than I did.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:05

You know, I enjoyed our grandchildren more than my, our own children because I relaxed with it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:13

You know, I was more dug in and so younger, like you said, our younger self.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:19

And I wanted, we wanted both of us, but I wanted to our kids to turn out white.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:24

Right.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:25

And, and they did.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:26

They did.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:27

But I think I didn't enjoy it as much as I was working on it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:31

Do you know what I mean?

Mark Taylor 00:46:31

Yeah.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:32

In other words, sitting back and relaxing with a little bit laughing more about some of the silly stupid things that they did and we did and, and I wish I would have done that more.

Mark Taylor 00:46:44

Yeah.

Mark Taylor 00:46:44

And I guess that comes back to that kind of the not hanging up on the getting it right, isn't it?

Mark Taylor 00:46:49

You know, like you say, laughing about the mistakes.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:46:52

Yeah.

Mark Taylor 00:46:52

Can't believe I said that.

Mark Taylor 00:46:53

Can't believe we did this.

Mark Taylor 00:46:54

Do you remember when.

Mark Taylor 00:46:55

And there's always a story about something that sort of keeps coming back on a regular basis which like say, isn't a massive life changing thing, but something which kind of.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:47:04

Exactly.

Mark Taylor 00:47:05

It sort of has that human connection which despite being right, wrong or indifferent, actually there's, there's an element of something there which is the essence of what being a family is all about.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:47:14

Yes, I wish I would have done more of that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:47:16

I did it for my grandchildren, but I wish I would have done more with our children.

Mark Taylor 00:47:20

Yeah, no, I can understand that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:47:22

Yeah.

Mark Taylor 00:47:23

Is there a resource you'd like to share?

Mark Taylor 00:47:24

And this can be anything from a video, song, film, book, podcast, but something you think the listeners would, would really benefit from.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:47:32

Yeah, I think again, a quote, I, I mentioned Charles Swindoll, a wonderful writer, over 300 books, just a wonderful person and so on there's various people that have affected both Jane and I in raising our children and helping with our grandchildren and all the rest.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:47:52

But I think a quote from Corinthians in the Bible about Paul, when he talks about love, I think that's probably.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:02

And I'm sure people are familiar with chapter 13 just.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:06

But to read it and reread it, it really talks good.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:09

It says here that love suffers long and it's kind.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:16

It shows no envy.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:17

It's not puffed up.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:19

It doesn't behave itself unseemly.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:22

It seeks not its own good.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:26

It's not easily provoked.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:28

It thinks no evil.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:30

It doesn't rejoice in evil, but rejoices in the truth.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:34

It bears all things.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:36

It believes all things.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:38

It hopes all things.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:39

It endures all things.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:42

So if you want a challenge to continue to grow in love with your children, it'll not only develop them, but it'll perfect your life profoundly.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:51

So just kind of thinking about that, rereading it and trying to live it.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:56

Remember I told you love is an action word.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:48:59

It's something you do do and not something you say.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:02

And I.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:02

All I did was say that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:04

But I think that is really what we're talking about here.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:08

You know, you're going to be the greatest parent you can.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:11

If you can love your child that way, and you're going to be the greatest teacher.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:16

If you do the same thing, your students will love you back.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:22

Those.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:23

Those are the.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:24

Those are the thoughts that I have today.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:25

And, Mark, I just appreciate you so much and what you have on this podcast and the.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:31

The way you've allowed people to come on it and share their thoughts.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:34

Thank you.

Mark Taylor 00:49:35

No, it's absolutely my pleasure.

Mark Taylor 00:49:36

And just as we sort of round up, obviously the acronym FIRE is really important to us in terms of feedback, inspiration, resilience, and empowerment.

Mark Taylor 00:49:45

What is it that just strikes you when you hear that?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:49

Well, that word fire that you have in your.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:52

In your podcast is really what we're talking about when I say power parenting.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:56

Okay?

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:57

The same thing.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:57

It's.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:58

It's explosive.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:49:59

It's a fire, grows like crazy.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:01

It moves across the landscape.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:04

And I think some of the speakers that you've had on here and your work is doing that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:10

Okay.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:11

Every little bit counts.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:12

And I love the title of this podcast.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:15

Thanks for that.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:16

Yeah, thanks for that.

Mark Taylor 00:50:18

And so for those people who've been listening and want to find out more, want to step into all the things that you've been talking about in the books, where's the best place for them to find out more about you.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:28

Well, our website, which is mjchinakapublishing.com the best place to go.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:37

It gives our story and our history and the things that we have out there right now, our children's books and the parenting books we have.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:47

And that's the best way to get in touch with us and so on.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:50

But, yeah, appreciate any interest, any comments about how we can improve.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:50:56

That would be wonderful.

Mark Taylor 00:50:58

Fantastic.

Mark Taylor 00:50:59

Well, John, thank you for your time.

Mark Taylor 00:51:00

Thank you for sharing all those experiences.

Mark Taylor 00:51:02

It's been a fascinating conversation.

Mark Taylor 00:51:04

And yeah, keep up the great work and look forward to chatting again.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:51:07

Appreciate you, Mark.

Dr. John Shanaka 00:51:09

Thank you.