Kindness – See the Good! | Dr. Kaisa Vuorinen

Mark Taylor 00:00:00

Hello, my name is Mark Taylor and welcome to the Education on Fire mini series of character strengths with Kaisa Vuorinen from See the Good. Now there's a link in the description to my full interview with Kaisa and to the See the Good website which has all the trainings and support you need. See the Good is a scientifically proven Finnish teaching method based on the very latest research on positive psychology and character strengths. Hello, my name is Mark Taylor and welcome to the Education on Far podcast, The place for creative and inspiring learning from around the world. Listen to teachers, parents and mentors share how they are supporting children to live their best authentic life and are proving to be a guiding light to us all. So to start us off in this series, we're going to be talking about kindness. Now, kindness sounds very familiar, but what do you actually mean by it?

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:00:55

Thanks, Mark. In See the Good book we write about kindness this way, we begin with a very simple idea. Kindness means having the motivation to do good towards another person without expecting something in return. And I think the last part is important when we discuss kindness. Kindness is not transaction. It isn't I'll help you Mark, because then you'll help me. It's a genuine desire to contribute to another person's well being and this gives us a lot of meaning in our lives. If we want to be happier, we should help others. And if we want to help our children to become happier, we should give them opportunities to be kind and to serve others and to help others and come away from thinking about themselves, rather thinking about others. So it's often very small things, Mark, as you know.

Mark Taylor 00:01:58

And I've just got a clarity question for you from that point of view. And by that I mean I completely agree and understand what you said. But there's also something quite a positive feeling I often feel from being kind, which then kind of is transactional in some way because I know I'm doing it for you. We're not expecting anything back except I know I probably will get something back because it feels good to have done it. So what do you think about that?

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:02:26

Well, that's so true and based on the scientific research we know that this happens even though the motivation is poorly helping others, we always get something in return for ourselves. So it always comes back to us when we do good things to others. So spot on, Mark.

Mark Taylor 00:02:48

And so how do you know if kindness is one of your strengths?

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:02:52

So now I'm using Mark See the Good card and I'm reading from here. So let me take you to our See the Good Method. So first question is, do you treat everyone nicely and do you react happily when you are asked for something? And do you see people you have just met as potential new friends or colleagues? Even? So I love these questions because they make kindness so practical.

Mark Taylor 00:03:21

Yes.

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:03:21

It's not only what you believe, but actually it's doing something for the benefit of others, not expecting anything in return.

Mark Taylor 00:03:30

Yeah. And I think that very clear distinction just makes such an important message to yourself, but also in terms of the relationships that you have with everybody as well, it's really, really great.

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:03:44

Can I add Mark something?

Mark Taylor 00:03:46

Yes.

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:03:46

Can I add one thing which has been very hard, for example, to myself? So I have been a people pleaser all my life, just learning and growing my own boundaries at the age of 48. But I think one thing that I'm practicing and I don't know about you, Marc, around kindness is that we may forget our. And when we teach kindness in schools, we always want to teach students about how to be kind towards themselves. How do I speak kindly to myself when I'm failing, when I'm doing something that I wouldn't like to do, that I'm upset with myself? So I think those are important things to recognize around the concept of kindness. How do we treat ourselves and how do we stop people pleasing?

Mark Taylor 00:04:32

Yeah. Such an important thing. And I think the, the follow on for that for me is how to do it without expecting anything back. I'm being kind to myself now, but I know I need to repay something later in terms of that as opposed to I'm just doing it now because I know it's important, I know it's needed and that's it. And I think that even now I can sort of feel that sort of taking my breath away a little bit because it's such a hard thing to do. For.

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:04:56

Me too.

Mark Taylor 00:04:57

Yeah,.

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:04:58

Me too. Mark. Thanks for saying it out loud. I. I feel you 100%.

Mark Taylor 00:05:04

So is it possible to be too kind?

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:05:08

I believe yes. As I just mentioned, when we are overusing our kindness, we always say yes to other people and very little times no to things. So we don't protect our own boundaries. And we may lose our own healthy health in this process, always being there for others and not taking care of ourselves. So I would say yes, we may be too kind. So this is very important concept also when we teach kindness to our own children or students within schools, how to become kind person without losing yourself and protecting your own boundaries and being kind to yourselves.

Mark Taylor 00:05:54

So what's our. See the good challenge for kindness.

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:05:59

Yeah. So I think kindness is kind of like always, Mark, when I explain kindness and I preach about it to people around me, I mean, adults, and we kind of like think of these challenges. For example, smile at someone, send a personal, kind message. Listen to others and listen well and carefully with two ears. Include someone, offer help, give a genuine, spontaneous compliment. And when we discuss this topic, people always say, this is so easy. And yet when we do this, when we experience the kindness from others, somebody complimenting us, we are like, wow, what just happened? So it's so easy and it's so simple. And oftentimes we may forget how much it does actually impact people around us.

Mark Taylor 00:06:51

And I think for me, it's that awareness, isn't it? Because like I say, it's very simple when you've acknowledged it or you understand it, but it's very easy to not be aware and therefore be literally a million miles away.

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:07:05

Yeah, exactly. So, for example, best challenge might be today, Mark, to listen to others and listen carefully. And people would feel, while Mark, you're listening to them, that you really accept them and you really like them, even love them.

Mark Taylor 00:07:23

And as a sort of a finishing statement for that, you know, what would you say is kind of a good method, a good understanding, to kind of see that as a whole process?

Kaisa Vuorinen 00:07:33

Yeah, I think you put it well, it's a process. It starts with something small, but then we all know this butterfly effect. When somebody does something small, kind to others, how does that other person react to it, and what happens after that to other people around them. So I think it's a process that grows within a one person, then it grows within a group of people. And what could potentially happen in a society where we put more emphasis on this small act of kindness?